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This year's ANC in Coventry was one of the biggest in years - the results of the National Restructuring Forum were under the spotlight, and with them the possible future shape of the National Federation. After two days and a lot of weighty (and passionate) discussion, the NRF's proposals were accepted with one exception (changing the Federation's name). Overall, it was a massive success for all concerned - for a Chairman's-eye view, go to page 5.

Also this issue:- What Vodka is capable of,
and Snow, Snow, quick quick Snow!

Coming Soon

The Northern Area Spring Ball takes place on April 26th at the Morley Cricket Club in Leeds.

This is a 'posh do', so go on - make the effort. For more information, posters or directions, contact Janet at Bradford Group.

The Rothwell Bunk Barn, between April 18th-21st, is one of those lovely little events that people don't like the sound of until they go - then they can't wait to go again. If you want to spend a long weekend walking through wonderful countryside while enjoying some great food, drink and company, contact Rothwell Group for details and prices.

 

Area Chairman's
Chat

Diary Dates 2003

April 4 - 7  Brean Sands
April 18 - 21  Rothwell 18 Plus Bunk Barn
April 26  Spring Ball
May 11  Linda Street Trophy Rnd 1
May 18  Area Conference
May 24 - 26  NGOOT
June 7 - 14  Nat'l Narrowboat Holiday
July 4 - 7  Marlow Raft Race

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dane_fields@yahoo.co.uk
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The May Conference is coming May 18th 2003

Do you want to be part of the Northern Area Committee?

Applications to Area Chairman

Hello all - can I start by thanking everyone who turned up in Gatley for the Pre-ANC Forum. Jo Woodhead was extremely impressed with the standard of questions asked and points raised, and left feeling extremely upbeat about the ANC (well done).

The Valentines Dance in Stockport was really enjoyable - a superb turnout, with great music (thanks Rick) and a cracking atmosphere; it was good to see you all.

I understand that the Leeds Charity Horse Race day didn't go as well as hoped - a shame, as it's a great idea and I hope it's put on again, as it really deserves to succeed.

Speaking of success, a big thumbsup to Bradford for attending the National Badminton Tournament in Berkshire, with Janet Rintoul just missing out on a Semi-Final place (next time….).

And then there's the ANC. After last year, I was so pleased so see such a big Area turn-out - Bradford, Leeds, Northwich and Rothwell represented with delegates, with observers there as well - it made such a difference on the top table to see so many familiar faces (and you didn't heckle me when I spoke!).

See you at the Northern Area Conference - you can be a part of the future!

Mark
Northern Area Chairman

 

Reporter

At The National Skiing Holiday
(11th - 18th January).

(OR - memories of some
not-so-snowy times.)

Keeping it down to non-epic proportions, the highlights of the trip started at Salzburg Airport's bus terminal. Due to delays, the party from Gatwick joined the party from Manchester to near monopolise the transfer coach and give the new (that week) to the job Rep a really hard time, with all the swapped-around ski pack deals that we had organised.

It had finally snowed (hooray!) such that the mountains were no longer green. It was decided to pile into the ski shop for a late-night fitting rather than go extra-early the next morning. This was followed by the Welcome Meeting where the Reps showed a Power Point representation of the area and its varied activities - one question they were loudly asked was to explain what all the white stuff in the photos was!

Rather disappointingly, a certain member of the party has now actually learned to ski, which meant they could no longer be seen hurtling down the 'Green' runs out of control, providing much entertainment that way. So, this was substituted by; first, their rather inventive use for a shower, second, outdoing this with a public sink (getting the idea?), and finally topping this by the fastest means ever found of clearing a bar table (followed by having to walk back in squelching shoes having not vacated the table fast enough).

While not stopping the skiing this year, the snow conditions were admittedly barely adequate, so the good skiers in the group investigated nearby Gossau for the day. This cost more, but with artificial snow piled high (as opposed to the lumps of green stuff the instructors insisted were 'AstroSnow!) much better skiing was available. The ski bus left 30 minutes earlier than normal and the journey is 30 minutes longer but the runs are much better and longer and all the lifts were of the chair variety.

For event organiser Adrian Barnard, it was the day he realised there was a good reason for wearing red - it is so much more stylish when hurtling down the slopes head first, skis over the head, poles clear, while ingesting the odd snowball - via the nose!

Strangely, this method seemed to work, as he got down faster than anyone in the party and nearly as fast as the nutters doing their impersonation of 'Ski Sunday'.

Not to be outdone, at least in action, another member of the party managed to misjudge both their speed AND their ability to handle it - by the time the others reached the bottom, the two parallel lines straight across the slow down area, THROUGH the Booking Hall and out the other side were all too evident. They departed the ground a mere eight feet from the main road, which he unfortunately didn't quite manage to clear (although his skis did). You'll be please to know he bounced!

Another fond memory was the constant criticism that one member of the party leveled at the food on offer, although they managed to do this between mouthfuls…and mouthfuls…and seconds… It seems some people put on SIX Pounds during the week! Perhaps they should have stuck a bit more to the great idea someone had of a Schnapps diet (for local Schnapps, read high-octane petrol), although the down side was some of those had trouble sticking to the diet, as they had immense trouble keeping the Schnapps down.

There was also Husky Racing on show - if anyone visiting the resort spots a Husky wearing some cool shades please let Adrian know, as a member of the party lost theirs while watching the sleds depart.

Unfortunately, the Operetta was on the same night as the Bowling AND the Curling, so that was all the best events in an evening gone! This did leave the chance for a Sleigh Ride - did you know horses still smell at -10C, and flies still enjoy it!

It was also fun for the non-skiers, with mountain walks and 'langlaufer' available (walking with tennis racquets on your feet). There's also an evening candlelight walk around the village, tobogganing and a trip to Salzburg available.

Next year's trip is taking place; deposits of £10 are being taken until the end of Brean. The package includes transfers, half board, ski/boot hire, tuition, passes and insurance. Total price - about £520 (give or take a bit).

Stop press

New e-mail address for James Sheard
(Bradford Group Chairman):
jamessheard@vodafone.net

 

The Power of Vodka…

This is the story of a priest, new to his parish, who was so nervous on the day of his first Mass he could hardly speak. After Mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous before entering the pulpit, I put a small glass of Vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip”.

So, next Sunday the priest took his advice, and put two glasses in the pulpit. As the sermon began, he started feeling nervous, so took a drink and proceeded to talk a storming sermon. Upon his return to his office after Mass, he found this note attached to his door:­

For future reference, you should remember the following points:­

  1. Sip the vodka, don’t gulp it.
  2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
  3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
  4. Jesus Christ was consecrated, not constipated.
  5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he didn’t bet his ass.
  6. The Last Supper did not come with fries and a shake.
  7. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as “the late JC”.
  8. The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost should not be referred to as “Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook”.
  9. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
  10. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, he was not stoned off his ass.
  11. The Holy Cross is not “The big T”.
  12. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John did not sing ‘Yellow Submarine’.
  13. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body”: he did not say, “Eat me”.
  14. The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry”.
  15. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God.

One more thing – next Sunday there is a Taffy-Pulling contest at St.Peter’s,
not a Peter-Pulling contest at St.Taffy’s

 

It’s OK for delegates – they only have to roll up Saturday Morning: not us Chairman, oh no. We have to be there on Friday, and so it is that Bekki, Martin Berry (Midland) and myself are the first to arrive at the Britannia Hotel mid­afternoon following a very long drive down. After decanting our belongings into our rooms, it’s off for a shopping expedition (sweets, alcohol etc – the top table’s no fun without some sweets!).

Fully laden, we return to meet the Office staff and ANC committee, who rope me into preparing the Delegate Packs, including making the badges with a piece of equipment almost as old as the Federation. We get there eventually, only braking one Swiss Army Knife in the process. By now the pull of food is too great, so a small gang of us set forth to enjoy the delights of the local Weatherspoons (great chilli) before coming back for social drinks (by now, a fair few have arrived), finally retiring about 12:30am.

Saturday breaks clear and sunny, but no rest for us – breakfast, a pre-ANC NEC meeting, the first chance for the entire top table to get together and discuss the weekend, and then lunch with the Deputy Mayor. I know what you’re thinking – dull. . . wrong! He’s a really interesting fellow (from Barnsley) and we have a very pleasant meal discussing, well, everything. And then into the Conference Room and away we go.

After all the dry stuff (addresses etc) and election of tellers (thanks John), the fun starts when we decide to muck the agenda about. Put a simple proposal first, we think, that no-one will argue about – boy, are we wrong! After TWO amendments (thanks Solihull and Thurrock) it finally passes

For 44 (89.8%),           Against 2 (4.1%),       Abstain 3 (6.1%),

and we’re thinking we’re going to be here until Tuesday at this rate! Still, we have to go for it, so it’s the biggie up next – the Membership Structure, and surprise, surprise, after some very spirited debate, there’s no amendments and a straight vote – and it passes

For 42 (84%)               Against 5 (10%)          Abstain 3 (6%).

Next up is the name change – again, an extremely lively debate (Banbury’s speech against the motion is both impassioned and well-thought), but when the vote comes, a bit of a surprise -

For 27 (55.1%)            Against 21 (42.9%) Abstain 1 (2%),

the majority in favour, but it still fails – that’s democracy in action. The other motions are less problematical, although the debate on local references in Group names only passes after an amendment and some confusion

For 41 (83.7%)            Against 6 (12.8%) Abstain 0,

deleting the 15-mile limit for Direct Membership also passes after some strong debate

For 40 (81.6%)            Against 7 (14.3%) Abstain 2 (4.1%),

the voting in of National Officers at ANCs goes through quite easily

For 42 (85.7%)            Against 4 (8.2%)         Abstain 3 (6.1%),

and then it’s me – luckily, no one can tell how nervous I am as I speak about including National Officers on the NEC. It doesn’t seem to matter as it passes (almost too easily)

For 48 (98%)               Against 0                   Abstain 1 (2%).

Saturday Night, and we can finally relax, put our glad rags on, and enjoy the fruits of our success, along with a really excellent Dinner (the food is much better than previous years) before everyone begins the serious business of, well, drinking, while the Area Chairmen try to extract money off everyone for the Raffle, and Dot and Tina go collecting for Comic Relief (raising a serious load of money). The Disco goes on till 2am, the drinking (at £1.25 a pint) goes on till the bar shuts, and Bekki and I retire about 3am to recover.

Sunday is grey and misty, though for others it’s blurred and peppered with, “What happened?”, “How much did I drink?”, and for one Area Chairman, “This isn’t my bedroom”(note – not me!). Breakfast for many is leisurely, with Rice Crispies NOT on the menu. We eventually get under way with a lengthy discussion on Risk Assessments, and debates on one member one vote, buying a B&B, and terms of office. Bekki is then re-elected for a second term as National Chairman (who are the two votes against?) before the trophies are given out. I already know Rothwell have the Charities Trophy, so imagine my immense surprise when Northwich get the Gold Trail Trophy – two trophies after not even getting a mention last year! And yes, North Thames and Chiltern do get an Ice Bucket for Best Area, as the actual trophy is in someone’s hall in deepest Essex.

And that’s about it – for the delegates at least, as the ANC closes and everyone makes their ways home. For me, it’s sitting in on the Midland Area AEC Meeting (yes, straight after the ANC, that’s keen) while Bekki deals with a Midland Area matter. A McDonalds eventually follows this, before dropping Martin back in Halesowen, and then it’s the small matter of back up the M6 for us. Do you know what time we make it to Northwich? 12.30am, and I’m working Monday morning – still, no rest for the wicked!

This Web Page is a NewsLetter put together within the Northern Area
of the National Federation of 18 Plus Groups
by Dane Fields.

Page created by Dane Fields, May 2003.
Page updated by John A Smith, November 2003.



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